Tag Archives: punk

Lemonshaft – The Hobgoblin Staines Apr 30th


Lemonshaft – Staines Hobgoblin – April 30th 2009

Take four guys dressed in drag Pythonesque. Give ‘em guitars, drums and a laptop. Fill a room to the brim with hot girls and successfully refreshed young lads. Press ‘Play’. Voila. Lemonshaft.

Lemon yellow mane bobbing in the lights like a lion that lost his courage, (but replaced it with a plectrum,)  the lead singer and bassist ‘Tomelthwaite’ loads up the vocals like a coalman loads up a dray. The loose-hipped supporting singer and sometime keyboarder ‘Petrelli’  looking like a miniature sweet transvestite with beads, a perm and the same lackadaisical nonchalant  attitude you might expect from Frank n Furter – acts the fool, thumping the keys every now and then – adding a  sprinkle of words or poetry and/or documentary to the proceedings. The crash smash drums are slightly out of control (as are most of their sounds) and astutely provided by ‘Christopheles’. Completing this crazy bunch team, the crust of the meringue if you like, is Alex on slicey lead guitar.

The Life of Brian costumes do not conceal the elemental rawness of this troop. This is a band with a rough, earthy unpolished edge. The songs are often inefficient as unadulterated punk numbers but truer in style to space ritual or stoner rock extravaganzas.

The repetitive ‘Sh**ty Banana’ song reminded me of the Mighty Boosh punk song “I did a sh** on your mum, and she rather liked it” and Tomelthwaite seemed rather pleased that his lazy song (like the Boosh one) only has two chords. The ‘I Want to Take You Out’ song reminded me of The Pulp Fiction quote: JULES: Take care of her? VINCENT: Not that! Take her out. Show her a good time. Don’t let her get lonely…

With song titles like ‘Weef kin Rock’ (geddit?) and ‘Raise Your Bra’ you know you are going to experience the lighter and dumber side of rock when you spend a night with these shafters. But it is the ambient experimental space-rock that really surprises you (and blows you away) and is the most satisfying aspect of this amazing funtime band – who,  incidentally,  sound vaguely like a 2009 version of Spacemen 3 or,  perhaps,  Flaming Lips.

Although the band didn’t end with their youtube hit ‘Heather Graham’ (you have got to check it) the boys finished in a frenzy of flaps and flourishes with their ‘Monk’ song ( I dread to think what it all means – but I imagine it has something to do with the rhyming slang definition) and, eventually, took a bow from an appreciative and very happy happy crowd.  I don’t know when or where they are next playing,  but wherever and whenever it is expect a party,  fun,  naughty lyrics,  and crazy space-centric punk rawk.

© Neil_Mach April 2009


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East of Ealing Thursday 26 March Staines

East of Ealing - Original Artwork by ADPONTES-STAINES




East of Ealing play an entertaining blend of rock and folk … reels, hornpipes and jigs of trad folk and even stripped down rock. There are also large portions of Eastern European sounds especially in their sellout single ‘Black Ship’ and these sounds cross-over to more traditional Roma music and then back to punk/ska  like other brands of rebel music similar in light-hearted style to Gogol Bordello or DeVotchKa.

Last time East of Ealing played in Staines we [ADPONTES-STAINES] described them as “providing intriguing and unexpected perceptions along a meandering pathway … their shared sense of fun is as welcome as their undeniable virtuosity…

This gig should not be missed!  See the entire EAST OF EALING Adpontes LIVE REVIEW here >>

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At the Bridges – Staines Live Music News

They tell me that STICKY FUNGUS– the new STAINES LIVE MUSIC venue replacing The Exchange/Cheekees is getting ever closer. The new landlords are now putting the final pieces of the jigsaw together. Watch this space for announcements…

A Genuine Freakshow tell me that they will be at The Oakford Social Club Reading on Apr 12 2009 supporting The Vessels. They have some freaky photos online Photo courtesy of Marc Haydon the photo guru …

Supersmooth acoustic singers Cate & Adam (Afterspark) have released a new video for ‘Low Flying Airplanes’ on Youtube : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0Ba2iD4LKA

AD (Albany Down) reported that they were in fine fettle at the recent Purple Turtle show and we look forward to their upcoming concert in Staines… Meantime, you can download a free DVD of the Purple Turtle performance from their site…bag it from http://www.albanydown.com/

Electronica/ Acousto heroes Alphabet Backwards have been honourably mentioned in the Oxford Music Mag Nightshift – to check the dets visit nightshift.oxfordmusic.net

Rude Twickenham punkstars Anonymous Tip will support Canadian Punk Rock Hardrock superstar ‘Propagandhi’ in London at Islington Academy April 19 – which is one not to miss (or see the Tipsters when they next play here in Staines March 26)

After their successful show with the big shiny Buick boys (Buick McKane) at The Bull and Gate, the indie Berkshire rocksters Audio.Video.Disco. will be playing more of the same, this time in our sweet hometown Staines, on March 29th 2009 at The Hob

The Dead Identities have produced a spanking new single ‘What’s Your Point of View?’ with a b-side entitled ‘Long Tall Sally’..up for grabs at their shows. The Dead ID’s are also lining up a tour with those groovy punk Essex boys Zen Motel coming up May…watch this space for more details and dates!

Finally, our favourite fish-sounding band fiN are now out in the lonestar state of Texas rockin’ the Rangers – no doubt- and also doing a fair bit of cattle-poking- way down in the South by Southwest. Naturally, we wish the boys lots of luck and success…but we can’t help but feel a little envious…

Five Foot Something – Hobgoblin Staines

Five Foot or thereabouts

I’ll have two foot of this … and a yard of that.

I once went water skiing. And the instructor said, It’s easy. Just hang on. If you can. Then rise up. That is all there is to this game. Yes. Fine. I said. But it wasn’t. And I couldn’t. And I didn’t. But so what?  I tried.

Here are some equally useful instructions for Staines newest band ‘Five Foot Something’. It’s easy. Get yourself a supporting role on a tour with someone famous (preferably Hard-Fi or their equivalent) then rise up. That’s about all there is to this game.

If they were a bar drink then ‘Five Foot Something’ would be fruity and non threatening fruit based beverage – an orange and  mango J20 perhaps ….or some kind of smoothie… but they are not a drink. They are a Staines flavored rock band. I over-emphasise that they are a Staines rock band because that is important to them- and to us. Their debut performance was at the Hob, Staines. (The Hob is the main place ‘to be seen’ in Staines.) And the whole population of Staines came out to see them and wish-them-well. (Maybe you were there, but if you were not, then it is “Your Look Out” as Mama used to say.)  They sing about Staines. They work in Staines. They drink in Staines. They go out with people in Staines. They look like they come from Staines. And they grew up. In Staines.

Yup. Staines. This is a recurrent theme in the 5’? song-book. Furthermore, to say that this band is breezy and cheerful is an understatement. If the band was your neighbour then he would be the kind of bloke who would bring your washing in from the line when it started raining because ‘you may have forgotten.’ Or he would ‘do your lawn’ because he has already got the flymo out, after all, and it’s no bother is it? The music is as light and refreshing as a pool-side shower on a stifling hot day in the Canaries. It is fizzy and quite bubbly. It eases your strains, soothes your tired muscles and cools you down. It is non-threatening. Undaunting. It is like a lunch-time drink with your mates. But then your Auntie shows up. But all your pals are actually fine with that. And she turns out to be very funny. So she stays. And we all have another drink.

Modish, in a kind of late 1960’s ‘Small Faces’ type way, the band can also remind you of latter years punk bands like ‘Green Day’ – with their plentiful tunes all tight and poppy – like a prep school hostess in her crisp clean shirt. Also, somewhere deep deep down, there is the soul of an R&B skeleton trying to clamber his way out. Maybe there is also some post punk lurking about down in those dark places too. The musicality is never far away; Ever so slightly whimsical, there is often a catchy beat or a heady vibe to bob you along…reminiscent of ‘The Searchers’ with strong lead vocals, tight arrangements and secondary harmonies. There is also some dream pop imagery in the mix too, reminding me of  ‘This Mortal Coil’ and even ‘David Bowie’ circa Hunky Dory, with the locomotive beats propelling each song along, past the gently frothing motifs that gently waft across the scenery.

There is a familiarity and a quaint ‘Englishness’ and earthiness to the songs and lyrics. At times it is almost as if Five Foot Something is trying to conceal the fact that they are actually a folk band struggling to get away from their self-imposed constraints – their rock n ‘roll ropes and chains- as it were. Naturally there is plenty of punk and indie stuff in their sound too… but the substance of this is unchallenging, undemanding even.  The songs lack any brashness or harshness in their style or mood. They certainly lack any bitterness. But the sounds do not lack finesse. There is a profusion of colours and textures. This music feels ‘good for you’ in the same way that goats cheese on crisp-bread feels good for you. Crunchy? Creamy? Smooth? Yes, yes, yes but a bit- shall I dare to suggest this- insubstantial? Maybe. Their music reminds me of those adverts where the fat bird suggests to her friend that she won’t feel ‘wicked’ or ‘naughty’ if she eats this (or, in the case of 5 Foot Something, listens to it.) Straight after a ‘Five Foot Something’ gig you would “just have to” knock over a police no waiting cone or wee on your mums shoes…merely to somehow re-balance the karma.

After a bit of a nervy start (but it was a big crowd for a debut performance, so I can forgive that,) Ravi’s lead vocals got stronger and more confident, gradually building up to master the performance by the second half of the set. Robert Hart (lead guitar and general ambience) was able to weave a genuinely fine and intricate framework of delicate and shimmering sounds from the outset. He also provided a series of robust and solid arrangements when required. Rob is, quite clearly, a very talented young musician. It would be nice to see him share the front of the platform a bit more, up there with Ravi.

And Ravi, looking like some cross between the young ‘Michael Corleone’ in The Godfather and the ‘Young Winston’ acted by Simon Ward (i.e. big eyes – no sleep,) played softly reliable rhythm guitar with Warren Pegley supporting on sensible bass. Jamie Heath completes the sound of the squad, on drums. But this outfit feels like it is Ravi’s baby. There were quite a few – if not Succotash moments then as near as damn it Succotash moments- in there. And, by fronting the band, Rav seemed to be imprinting the corporate sound of the others somehow.

The set was a good 45 minutes worth of entertainment and pleasure for the Staines crowd. There was a full album’s worth of material in there and at least two decent singles within the magic box of tricks presented to the audience. No shocks. No pain. No misfortunes. It was a good solid, workaday indie rock performance. By a band from the ‘burbs to the folk of the ‘burbs. If not instantly memorable, anthemic or immediate, there were at least one or two tunes in the show for each and every person to take home and put upon their mantelpiece. A capable and complete rock set.

Oh yeah, and the boys chose to wear matching tartan wool-look mountain shirts and short linen ties. The visual effect, certainly from way across the pub, was that the local B&Q had closed early for the evening and so all the trainee managers had popped in ‘for a quick one’ after a long hard day grafting on the shop floor. And soon, after a few orange and mango J20’s, they would be ready to scoot on home in their Astras, back to “Moormeads”, back to their lay-dees… back to Ash-lee, Kay-lee & Hay-lee, and to their nippers Jayne, Wayne, and Charmayne. It was a great look. Subtle, tongue-in-cheek Middlesex humour.

Give them their due- the boys have tried.  They got up and they did it. And, do you know what… I think they’re gonna make it!

Are we excited yet?

© Neil_Mach
Feb 2009



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One Response to “Five Foot Something – Hobgoblin Staines”

  1. Sorry mate, after reading this review I’m left wondering if you even saw this gig or listened to their music. And after further consideration, I don’t actually know what you’re talking about in about three-fourths of this. Do you actually like the band or not? I want to know more about how the band sounded, what the crowd thought, why certain members rocked (or didn’t) the house. Generalities are fine and dandy, but have no purpose. Give us more meat!!! I thought the gig was fantastic and was very excited to know if other people felt as ecstatic as I, but I still don’t know what you thought after all this.

Thanks for the feedback Lydia… your comments are  ‘seen and noted’ !
I know what you mean, but we are all in this together- it was a debut performance – so I can only judge the boys- like you- on this show. I very much enjoyed it and I think I compare the boys favourably with Green Day,  Small Faces, This Mortal Coil and even Bowie!!! I will be at their next gig Mar 28 2009   The Red Lion, Egham and, by then, we will really be able to see where they are going.
Best Wishes- and thanks again- Neil

5 Things – This Week in Staines


Naughty but Nice Punk Rock at Staines

Malloys at Staines

The Malloys
Feb 05 2009

The group was formed by Paul “Belch” Belcher (lead vocals), Matthew “Mush” Dalrymple (guitar) and Matthew “Bnudd” Early (drums), who were soon joined by Nick Feltham (bass).The Malloys went through a line-up change when Dalrymple fell ill, and was replaced on guitar by Chris “Savvy” Restrick. When Dalrymple got better, he re-joined the band as rhythm guitarist, but quit several month later for personal reasons.

The band initially gained prominence performing on the London live music circuit. With much label interest, they declined any offers and decided to form they own independent record label Chestnut Road Records and released their debut EP Countries Crisis… The following year, the band recorded No One Likes Us with replacement guitarist Restrick now as full time member, and a year on from there the Naughty Naughty EP was released.

The fourth studio EP by the band will be recorded in late 2008/early 2009, and although an official release date has not been confirmed, it is rumoured to be out in February/March 2009.


The Malloys will be supported by TrueBeat

TrueBeat are refreshing new ska band from West London breaking onto the scene as ska makes a real comeback. Their sound is lively and energetic with a wide range of influences – so put on your skankin shoes as this is real get on the dance floor SKA! They have recently recorded their first EP which has had a fantastic reception and they are definitely a band to keep a close eye on.





Local 2-piece Musical Do-Gooders – Staines

Succotash at Staines

Feb 06 2009
Riverside Club

Mix together some mellow lyrics and solid acoustic guitar with a dash or two of meaningful elemental percussion and what have you got?  Staines favourite musical cocktail -Succotash!

When not working on their other major projects (Staines favourite bands Foulplay and Five Foot Something) these two charmers play as a wholesome twosome…witness the smooth sounds this week at Staines Riverside Club…

Staines Riverside Club Laleham Road Staines £3 entry



Master of Music  – Ascot

Frank Griffish Nonet

Frank Griffith

Feb 08 2009

Frank was originally from Oregon & lived in New York from 1980-95. Bachelor of Fine Arts from City College of New York & Master of Music from Manhattan School of Music. Now living in London. As a composer & arranger has worked with Jon Hendricks, Lionel Hampton, Ron Carter & the Brooklyn Philharmonic Orchestra. In the UK has written for NYJO, Tony Coe/Norma Winstone & Mark Nightingale. Has played with Jon Hendricks, Ron Carter, Jack McDuff, Mel Torme.

His nonet was established many years ago and has played many festivals. The musicians include Bob Martin, alto, Mick Foster, baritone, Henry Lowther, trumpet, trumpet, Martin Gladdish, trombone, Tim Lapthorn, piano, Paul Morgan, bass,and Paul Clavis, drums.

Upcoming shows

Sunday, 8th February
Show will start at 1pm
Ticket cost: £6.00
Special – entrance and roast lunch £12…


80’s & 90’s  Hits – Live Band – Live in Windsor

The Velvet Hearts

Velvet Hearts
Feb 06
Old Ticket Hall

The Velvet Hearts were born in 2007. Frustrated with the industry, the band started posting live performances of their gigs on the website YouTube. These videos achieved phenomenal success, notching up 300,000 hits in just six weeks, gathering more subscribers than megastars Gwen Stefani and Gorillaz.

Their unique style, killer hooks and emotive lyrics are a result of Newman and Jones’ songwriting partnership, a journey that began in the music room in their early school days.

The ballsy rock edged sound of The Hearts certainly pays homage to rootsy rock’n’roll, but they are more than just a blues-rock band, their songs are stooped in emotion and offer the listener something more than your token ‘rock band’.

Grammy award winning producer Mark Pastoria stumbled across the band on YouTube and word of The Velvet Hearts spread to his studio in Motown. Only a few weeks later The Velvet Hearts flew to Detroit and recorded their debut album ‘Into The World’.

Cost: £3


AC/DC to ZZ Top Classic Rock- Live in Egham

Blue Fuses Crown Egham

Blue Fuses
Feb 07 2009

BLUE FUSES have been gigging with their current line up since the end of 1994. Originally a blues band, these STAINES favourites now cover pretty much everything from AC/DC to Frank Zappa, via Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple. In other words, CLASSIC ROCK!

The band delivers a tight, highly entertaining performance, every time. This is not a band that hides in the corner apologising for its existence! They play for the sheer enjoyment of entertaining an audience… check the ADPONTES-STAINES live review here.

The Crown
High St, EGHAM, TW20 9DP




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Heavy Classic Rock Masters – in Staines

Netherworld at Staines

Netherworld Nov 28 2008      8:00P Staines Riverside Club     Staines £3

Fronted by the awesomely talented Jason Stretch on vocals and guitar, backed by the brilliant bass playing and vocals of Paul Smith and the dynamic drumming of Ian Roberts, NETHERWORLD ROCKS. Covering the best classic rock songs known to this planet, this three-piece bring their wealth of professional talents together for this new project.

Previous gigging and recording credits include ; Bad II The Bone, British Lion, Steve Harris (Iron Maiden),Hal Lindes(Dire Straits) Neil Murray(Whitesnake,Black Sabath) Reload, The Dhogie Band and Phil Mogg (UFO).

You will not fail to be impressed by the superbly tight musicianship of these three heavyweight players



Also check them at:

Nov 29 2008     8:00P The Cardinal Wolsey     East Molesey Surrey
Nov 30 2008     6:00P The Dog & Partridge     Middlesex, London and South East
Dec 5 2008       8:00P Ye Old Swan     Burnham, Berkshire,


Big Rock/Punk Sounds – in Staines

Her Enemy

HER: ENEMY Nov 27 2008      8:00P The Hobgoblin *with nixa*     Staines £3




Hot Dance – Latin and Jazz – Live at Ascot

palenke at Ascot

Palenke      Saturday, 29th November  8:45P   Jagz Ascot £8

Columbian band with a passionate Latin repertoire. Back by incredible popular demand, Adrianna and her fellow Salsa partners are back and ready to shake Jagz from its very foundations! Palenke, Londons leading Latin American Dance band, was born in 1990 to the collective talents of Fernando Suarez – Kinacho and Lisandro Zapata from Colombia. Both are highly professional performers and are widely experienced in the Latin and Jazz scene. The Bands eclectic repertoire is passionate, dynamic and eminently danceable: from the characteristically hot blooded tempos of Cuban Salsa and Brazilian Lambada, the traditional folk rhythms of Colombian cumbia and Dominican Merengue, to the latest Caribbean Reggae and universally popular Spanish style Gypsy Kings.

Saturday, 29th November
Show will start at 8.45
Ticket cost: £8.00
Doors open from 7pm. £26 for 2 courses and entrance (£30 for 3 courses). Entrance for the bands is £8 but is strictly limited and on a first come first served basis. Entrance for dining or just the band INCLUDES free entrance to the nightclub




Smooth Jazz Piano at Ascot

John Donaldson Quartet

John Donaldson Quartet Sunday, 30th November    Lunchtime     Jagz Ascot

The winner of the piano category at the 2006 British Jazz Awards

Jazz gigs began when he was a student in 1978. He was part of the Cambridge Modern Jazz Club’s resident trio, backing visiting guest soloists in the city. In 1980 he won the prize for best soloist at the San Sebastian International Jazz Competition.

In 1982 he moved to California . He worked there and gigged with local notables including Eddie Henderson, Red Holloway, John Handy, Richie Cole, Paul Jackson and David Baker as well as working in groups alongside Larry Grenadier, Jeff Ballard, Donny McCaslin, and Louis Romero.

Since returning to England in 1993 he has worked with many of the leading musicians on the British scene including groups led by Iain Ballamy, Art Themen, Clark Tracy, Alan Barnes, Don Weller, Dick Pearce and Norma Winstone.

Sunday, 30th November
Show will start at 1pm to 3.30pm
Ticket cost: £6.00
Special – entrance and roast lunch £12.

‘With remarkably little publicity or fuss John Donaldson has emerged as one of Britain’s most exciting jazz pianists with his own distinctive style’
Dave Gelly. The Observer.


Top Unsigned Act of  the Year- at Staines

Nixa at Staines

Nov 27 2008      8:00P The Hobgoblin *with HER:ENEMY*     Staines £3

“One of the top 10 unsigned acts in the UK”
Metro National Newspaper

Rock / Tropical

Nixa are rock. They’re here to remind you that despite reality TV, plastic indie tat, the cult of celebrity, and production-line pop, ultimately it’s still all about the music. They write great songs, and have a lot of fun while they’re doing it – and that’s their manifesto. Fundamentally, they just love music and want music to love them back, and as a result they have so many riffs that they’re currently being investigated by The Monopolies Commission. Multi-layered and yet accessible to anyone who’s ever felt adrenaline surge through their veins, Nixa songs combine addictive melodies, intertwining vocals, riotous screaming, ferocious guitars, pulsing drums, and dirty bass to create an energetic morass that climbs the walls and rips the roof off. Nixa was born in the summer of 2006 after a massive gangbang involving Foo Fighters, Biffy Clyro, Soulwax and Death Cab for Cutie: the custody battle still rages…




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Heavy Rock Mob from around here!

Purge at Staines

Purge Nov 21  2008      9:00P The Hobgoblin Staines £3

A furious mix of distortion-fueled guitar accompanied by seat-tearing bass and knockout percussion is shot at with a colt 45 of gravelly chants and rhyme delivering glory. Crushing heavy rock. Never a better solution. Purge consists of:

James Burgon

Max Kinghorn Mills

Mark Stanley
(Bass, Vocals)

Greg Rogers



Big Big Band Sounds – Staines

Big Band at Staines Riverside Club

Nov 20 2008      8:30P  KU Big band Staines Riverside Club

Kingston University Big band

The KU Big Band, fresh from their tour of Germany, play a special one-off concert at Staines Riverside jazz club.  Led by trumpeter Andy Gibson, with guest vocalist Ceri Wood.

Venue: Staines Riverside Club, 6 Laleham Road (opp.Gresham Rd), Staines, Middlesex, TW18 2DX
Contact: Louise Voss
Tel: 020 8417 5430  ext. 65430
E-Mail: l.voss@kingston.ac.uk




Screamo Band Staines

Break Berlin The Phoenix Staines

Nov 23 2008      8:00P Break Berlin at The Phoenix     Staines

Break Berlin are a five piece Screamo / Alternative  experience from Surrey that have all been involved in music from a very young age. Their aim is to make music that is original and distinguishable in the local music scene that has managed
to fall victim to a lack of inspiration. We are currently working very hard writing and new material that should be complete in the next few months. We hope to see you very soon. Break Berlin.

Luke ‘Rabbit’ Perrin-Vocals
Jarrod ‘Rod’ Messeter-Guitar/Vocals
Ollie ‘Mumble’ Jaye-Guitar/Vocals
Ryan ‘Gizmo’ Holcombe-Bass
James ‘Bean’ Lloyd-Drums

If you miss ’em in Staines try catch them at:

Nov 25 2008     7:30P  Boileroom     Guildford




Sensational Indie / Alternative / Jungle at Staines

The Hollers at Staines

Nov 20 2008      8:00P Hobgoblin W/ Purge (18+)     Staines    £3


Jazz Smith – Vocals
Tom Sturt – Guitar
Glenn Wild – Guitar
Jamie Allen – Bass
Sean Mangan – Drums

Sounds Like    A girl singing, 3 Guitars and a Drum Kit, all playing at the same time

If you miss ’em in Staines try catch ’em at:

Nov 22 2008     8:00P  Brewery Tap  Reading

Dec 11 2008     8:00P   Heroes Bar     Maidenhead




Best Pop Act of  the Year- at Staines

Miss Pink Shoes at Staines

Nov 21 2008      8:00P  Miss Pink Shoes at
Sticky Fungus Staines

“Indy Awards Best Pop Act 2008!!”

Staines hometown heroes Miss Pink Shoes formed in 2006 to create the music that was floating around in and crowding up their heads, MISSPINKSHOES have come to spread some love & weirdness around the world. With a sound that spans every genre you can imagine, 50’s doo-wop to electronica, heavy metal to power ballads, disco to punk and anything and everything in between, nothing is sacred. 2008 has seen the band release the ‘SEXUAL’ EP, the winning of Best Pop Act at The Indy Awards in May, a request to play a hometown gig with fellow Staines band Hard-Fi and a string of gigs at prestigious London venues such as The Clapham Grand
and The London Astoria 2.

Lloyd – Vocals & Keys

Ant – Bass

Phil – Guitar

Tim – Drums


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